she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
