Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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