So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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