UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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