ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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