At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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