He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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