Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
