Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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