I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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