Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
