Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
