Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize