i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
