god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
