I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
my liver is dry heaving
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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