After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize