and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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