I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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