Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
