Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
