There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
