You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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