Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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