dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
