So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
