just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
