i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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