weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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