I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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