Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
