Old men and throwing up are my life now.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize