the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Randomize
