Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
