my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
