Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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