he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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