We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
