CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
We smell like vodka and hangover
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