Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
