i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
