I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
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