the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Tell her she can't have a vagina
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Randomize
