My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
