We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
i think my cat just said my name.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
