took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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