jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
