I wish I could teleport
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
