I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
