just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
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