the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
So here I am, sexting at work.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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