Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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