So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Randomize
