dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
