Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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