i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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