i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
