Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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