What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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