Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
