For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
