mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Randomize
