we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
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