a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
