So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
