some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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