This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
